Tuesday, February 13, 2018

February 13

One year ago today I found out I was pregnant.

I remember the day because it was the morning after my birthday. I don't remember the day I found out I was pregnant with L. - maybe I should have made a note.

I was surprised to find I was pregnant. We had talked about having another baby, but then it happened so fast.

Some people say that pregnancies feel so quick after your first, and that was not my experience at all. It was just as long as the last one, but this time with more tests (because I was a "geriatric" mother - ie. over 35), and it was way more uncomfortable. I was tired, hot, huge, old.

Four months ago today we welcomed little S. into our lives.

Like his older brother, he's a sweet, easy-going little dude. Absolutely full of big gummy smiles. Unlike his brother, he has a temper - he goes from zero to very angry in about 3 seconds. He loves a schedule - where L. would (and still will) stay up absolutely as late as you let him, S. wants to be in bed by 8 PM sharp, or he has some choice words for you. Where L. would happily nurse all day every day and night, S. knows when he is full and is happy to fall asleep just looking around until he drifts off.

They say you shouldn't compare your kids, but it's impossible. I can't help but look at side-by-sides of the two of them.

L on the left, S on the right
 The don't even look alike!

With L, I went back to work at 12 weeks, and it was one of the hardest, worst feelings I've ever experienced. With S, I have taken 8 weeks on top of my 12 weeks. 8 weeks unpaid, but I'm thankful to my employer for allowing it. Still not enough though, and I hope in the near future the US and employers who value their employees will provide a more generous paid leave system.

It's been a rocky transition to big-brotherhood for L. He was so excited for months, but once the baby arrived L. realized that the attention he had previously gotten so freely and generously was now shared. It's better now, after four months, but he still needs lots of one-one-one mama time.

I thought that it would be easier with the second baby, that I'd already be a pro at this baby stuff. However, I find myself second-guessing myself more, and getting worried that things are different than they were with L, then reminding myself not to compare them.

I head back to work in just three weeks. I was feeling ready, but now I'm realizing how much I'll miss my quiet days with S.

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